DAILY DIRT SCOOPS DRUDGE REPORT BY A WEEK AND A HALF! DEVELOPING HARD!!! Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY March 8 On this day in 1999, the Crayola company announced that it would be caving in to the requests of various Native American organizations by doing away with the popular Indian Red color crayon. Previously, the last time Crayola changed the name of one of its crayons was in 1962, when civil rights advocates asked that the crayon labeled "flesh" be changed to "peach" in recognition of the fact that not everybody is as pigmentationally challenged as the average member of the Caucasian race. At the time, we here at the Daily Dirt applauded Crayola's politically correct appeasement of a downtrodden minority. Unfortunately, their follow-through hasn't been as good as it should be. For instance, we're still waiting for them to do away with all those other offensive colors, like Zipperhead Yellow, Jungle-bunny Black and Sunset Spic. But hey... progress takes time, I guess. On this day in 1934, astronomer Edwin Hubble takes a photograph that shows there are as many galaxies in the visible universe as the Milky Way has stars. Although Hubble's first words upon seeing the image weren't recorded for posterity, yer old pal Jerky imagines they were probably on the order of: "Holy SHIT-balls! Look at all those fuckin' GALAXIES!!! I'll make millions from the posters, alone!" Also on this day, in 1993, six gallons of milk are delivered to David Koresh's Branch Davidian compound in Elk/Waco/Carmel, on the ninth day of the ATF/FBI siege there. Also, Koresh -- whose wounds are healing nicely -- sends out a videotape containing footage of the children still trapped in the compound with him… and informs negotiators that all these children are, biologically, his own.

THEY SAID IT! "A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl, could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life." - South Dakota State Senator Bill Napoli (R-Lunatic) goes on national TV to explain why his state's anti-abortion legislation doesn't allow for exceptions in case of rape or incest... and THIS is what he comes up with? Because most rape victims aren't sufficiently chaste or religious to be worthy of our concern as a society?! Yer old pal Jerky sincerely hopes a mutant tribe of cannibals sweeps in from the Badlands to slowly rape this sack of shit to death in front of his entire family, and I hope someone captures his grotesque demise on video and uploads it to the Internet.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Henry Bent! A man and woman were having marital problems so they went to see a marriage counselor. The counselor, in an attempt to find some common ground from which to begin his analysis said, "Tell me about anything the two of you have in common." The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us sucks dicks." *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Nan or Ben for sending in today's second joke. The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department issued a statement today saying Vice President Cheney broke no law by shooting a lawyer instead of a quail over the weekend. A TPWD spokesman noted that, in Texas, lawyers are not considered game creatures, and are thus not subject to seasonal limitations or bag limits. It was further noted that lawyer hunting was encouraged as the state is overrun with the pesky creatures. A local food critic said that, contrary to rumor, lawyers do not taste like chicken, but rather like bovine dung which is a major component of their composition. WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Gilles... Q: Why is so hard to make love to a ninety year old woman? A: It's like trying to pull a grilled cheese sandwich apart.

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP JUST YET care of: Gessier MOPJ, Is the unbelievable is happening? It seems that the rest of the nation is facing up to the reality that this administration is the biggest joke in the history of, not just the states, but perhaps the planet. Lou Dobbs, a known republican, is tearing the administration to pieces on CNN and this is exactly what I've been waiting for... for supporters of this crime syndicate to start thinking of the national good as opposed to supporting a party or a single individual. Even though the polls reflect a 34% approval rating, I still feel that's way too high, but it is progress. I do not want to get over-excited here and think that this situation is about to reach critical mass, but the good news is no one can cop the "ignorant plea" any longer. If nothing is done about this administration in terms of a swift and merciless justice, then everyone will also know under no uncertain terms that our government has failed us in its entirety yet again. How can both Congress and the Senate overlook oversight on all the many other issues except this one? They all must be viewed collectively, but will they? The fear I have is that as soon as this dubious Dubya-Dubai deal goes away, every other act of criminality and stupidity will also be silenced. You would think that everyone would be pouncing on the "Mango Deal" as well, but after it was first announced, it seems to have evaporated. So, it seems that the thrashing Dubya and Co. is taking at hands of anyone with a microphone over the ports and Katrina, the administration, like Rasputin, is not quite dead and still has some old tricks left. We are making some progress for the moment, but don't whip out your hope just yet. - YOPGessier [What... do you feel that I've been overly optimistic of late?! - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! DEAR Old Pal Jerky! WHY have you not wrote anything about this yet? You holding out on us? This should help your 'block' at least for one issue of the dirt. Impeachement's not enough. I hope they **** the bastard. Later, Realdead_man [Vermont hates Bush? Whatta shock! - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky -- The "Jenna Jameson caught on film" pic to the left of your editorials, first for the idiocy of the comment -- she's a porn film star -- where else would she be "caught"? But secondly, I've seen Ms. Jameson a number of times, and while her physique is delightful, she never had sweater puppies like those. Can you investigte: did she have 'em done recently? ACD [Fleshbot's got your answer! But I'm warning you... it's complicated. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; Have you seen this? Now the farmers can't use their own seed for the net crop!! Fred [Yeah, man. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hi Jerky, CNN has a list of weapons that were likely to be used in the present Gulf war. It still lists many wmd's Iraq did not have. No need to change that? Zoltar [The only thing they're going to be changing is the "Q" in Iraq, to an "N". - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; Did you see this story about parents who complained about a children's book where two male penguins raise a baby penguin because it had "homosexual undertones"? And people wonder how Bush could have been elected President... No mystery to me. Cheers, Andy [Sad but true. - Jerky] *** **** *** Thank you for continuing to provide my with information and insights into our present day world and for educating me on "iconoclasm" as I always thought I knew its meaning but from your link I now know. On that article "predictions and Prognostications" by Ricsta I wonder what he means by GB being the teetotaler trying to bring calm to a drunken bar brawl? Did he mean to say that GB is the strongman who removed the club enforcers (bouncers) in the bar instigated the brawl for his own purpose but the brawl got out of hand and he neither knows how or has the where withal to control the brawl? I chose to write because the evolution of events in Iraq happened in recent memory and we should not let revisionists fog our minds this early. nony [There's a lot wrong with what Ricsta wrote. But he wrote it so purty, I couldn't resist publishing it. - Jerky] *** **** *** Dear Jerky, Reading this article made my head spin. They are Homeland security -- they make people paranoid -- they spout terror alerts and clour coded threat levels, and yet, they take a envelope of white powder and empty it out the window like cleaning blackboard dusters! Strange behavior , unless of course, they knew damn well that there aint no "anthrax" threat. Poli [You got it, bro. Not that they won't throw your ass in jail for even whispering the word "bomb" in an airport. - Jerky]

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